July 2, 2009. Western Head, N.S. Attitudes.

The friends from Texas who were visiting Susie and Jeff looked old. On the way home after we first met them, Ken and I felt they looked older than us, and probably were 75 or so. Last night in conversations with them both, we discovered that they were the same age as Susie and Jeff, who are 64. In fact, the husband and Jeff went to graduate school together at Duke, and the wife told me that she had just turned 64. I was stunned. She mentioned to me that she had retired because she had some health problems, but her husband was still working. Being basically nosy, I asked her what her health issues had been, and she proceeded to give me great details about all the serious issues in her life. Actually, she told many more details than I needed, for the next thirty minutes. It was clear that the most important aspect of her current life is her health issues. I suspect that this has been true all her life. She tends to dwell on the past, and everything in the past that has been a problem for her and her family.

It is one of the problems with being retired. So much of the conversation from retired people centers around what they have done, not what is ahead that will be done in the future. Really, I am accused of always planning ahead and trying to figure out how at work we can get ahead and not rest on our laurels. With health issues, I want to get through them, then never talk about them again. When I am asked about my health, my answer is always "I am fine", and certainly would never disclose to strangers any serious health issues in my life. I want them behind me and never back again to my conscious thoughts. In other words, I do not want my present attitude to be impacted by problems in the past. This poor lady from Texas is dwelling on her health issues so long and hard that she has made herself into an invalid. I was a good lady, and did not tell her to get her past behind her and get along with her future life. Perhaps I should have passed this bit of wisdom on to her, but I was too polite. But I surely am pleased she has gone home to Dallas.