February 11, 2009. DD Ranch, Harper, Texas. Friends.

I have never understood the behaviour. When I have moved from one city to another, some of my friends never again contact me. These were good friends, I thought, but after I left the area, or when they moved away, thoughts of me never crossed their mind. No Christmas cards, no phone calls, no visits, no e mails. Just no communication at all. This is not the way I believe is wise. I great benefits from reading a Christmas card from Martha, who was my friend in 1964. We have seen each other two or times over the years, but we have always been able to pick up the phone and chat away, just as it was long ago. It gives me pleasure to recall her antics as an Occupational Therapist in Galveston where we worked together in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. I had a very good friend in Toronto, Carolyn, who I have known since I was six. She lived in London, Ontario, and her parents were good friends of my parents. She was very talented. She played the piano very well and sang like an angel, and whenever the London Songsters came to Toronto, they stayed with us. She came to Toronto for one year to study at the same school as me, and she actually stayed with us. By then I was the only child at home so there was no reason to not have her live with us. We did have fun. My parents entertained a lot, and Carolyn and I would serenade the guests on our pitch pipes. We loved it, but I am not sure about the reception. We double dated. Ken was in the picture, so one night there were three couples going to the movie. Just as we were leaving, as we were all standing just about to go out the door, Carolyn commented on the hair style of the person on TV. It was not a compliment. Then I looked at the other girl and her hair style was exactly like the one on TV. Of course I laughed out loud and Carolyn retorted that certainly it looks good on you, but not on the TV. The evening never really recovered. When Carolyn and her husband moved out west, it was like we had never been friends. No contact at all. I do not understand at all, but one thing I know full well, she does not wish to continue our friendship.

My was is a better way, rather my Mother's way was a better way. When I was a child and the Christmas cards arrived, I would ask my Mother who each person was and what their connection was with our Family. Mother would tell me that Mary Irwin had sent her a Christmas card since she was sixteen and has never missed a year. When we then lived in Vancouver, I knew everything about the Irwin sisters so felt close to them immediately even though I was ten years old. I learned that new friends were wonderful but old friends must be cherished by regular attention, not on a daily or weekly or even monthly basis, but every so often. My Father had a habit of cutting out the cartoon from the Saturday Post. Every few months, we would go through his batch of cartoons and send one to an appropriate person. No note just his N scratched in the corner. Once he sent me a cartoon after I had gained a little weight. The picture is a lady in the restaurant about to eat a very large chocolate sundae. The caption was "It really only looks fattening." I still have that cartoon as he died shortly after he sent it. It does not matter what you say or do to connect with your old good friends. Just keep up with them and they will keep up with you. They enrich my life, my old friends. Our friends Freddy and Phyllis Ross do the best job of keeping up with old friends. I am constantly amazed at her attentiveness to detail and her efforts to connect with her old friends. So many of our friends from Toronto Days, where we moved to Texas in 1964, attended our 50TH anniversary, because we have all been in contact over the years. I know that in an organization such as The Salvation Army, at events such as a band concert and funerals, everyone asks after Ken and Ruth, so everyone finds out what we are up to at any given time. But mostly it is the tried and true methods of communication and contact, resulting in long time friendships still alive and well. But Carolyn and Dave were not there. And I missed her.