April 25, 2014. Ridgeland, Mississippi. Baby Steps.

We are all beginning to take the baby steps of living in a world without Andrew. He was such a big presence in our lives that we feel as if we are living with a hole inside of us. Yesterday, Christina went to lunch with two friends in her sister in laws home and it was a normal, quiet lunch with no weeping. Today, Christina reported to me that her day was remarkably normal. Friends have picked the girls up, Kate to go to a movie and dinner and Mary Frances to play with Polly, then go out to dinner with their family. Ken, Christina, Molly and I walked down the street to a very small park just before dinner, and chatted cheerfully with neighbor families. Andrew has always loved dill pickles. Usually, when we visit, I buy a huge bottle of dill pickles and bring it to him. Today at the grocery store, I did not even cry when I walked past the pickles. I must say that I did not linger. For the last two nights, we have eaten dinner with just the family. Normally, we eat in the dining room but I was not prepared to spend the dinner hour in the dining room without Andrew so I suggested that we sit around the coffee table and eat dinner casually, with Ken sitting at the counter. He hates to eat with a plate on his nap. It was pleasant. Tonight it was an even smaller group as both big girls were out, and again, our meal time was quiet and pleasant without weeping. I don't know what a heavy heart really is, but I know we all have it. But I am beginning to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And I say "Thank You God. Thank You for Andrew." Tomorrow would have been his birthday.