Tonight I watched the sunset and tried to find my happy place again. The sunset was unusual with lots and lots of clouds on the horizon. But it was beautiful. On Sunday I felt fine and I was coping, even though we took Ken back to the hospital. He was steady and had been taken to a room, leaving ICU in the afternoon. The next. day, I left at 7:00 to walk home, trying to get home before the night was too dark to see. Evidently, at 8:30, Ken had an incident and was returned to ICU. I was called at 10:00 pm to come back to the hospital. Ken had asked for me. Of course, he did not know what time it was. So I put my c clothes back on and walked to the hospital in the pitch black, which is not easy.
I visited with Ken and talked to 2 doctors and was home by midnight. I
went to bed and to sleep and stayed asleep for three hours. I awoke quickly to find all my confidence and coping had evaporated. I was tense, lying awake all night. The same thing happened last night. I had a few hours sleep, then stayed awake unable to relax. I felt like my whole body was on alert. So I rested in bed the rest of the night. This afternoon was the same. After visiting Ken for a few hours, I came home for a rest. But no sleep came. I do not know what is the matter with me? But I am determined to get back my coping skills.
Today David and I worked out some systems to handle our accounts, which should make me stop worrying. And this evening when I visited Ken he seemed somewhat better. He was able to hold the glass for his afternoon milkshake. And several times he was resting comfortably. I must return to my happy confident self. Of course, I am supposed to have no stress and to stay away from infections. Now I go to the hospital a couple of times a day which is a hot bed of infections. So I have things to worry about, in addition to a very ill husband. Being worried does not help I know. But it is not so easy. We certainly are both going through a bit of a difficult patch. Kathy and Ted are bring dinner tonight. That should help my confidence I bet.
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