December 31, 2018. Playa Royale, Mexico. Resolutions.

The puzzle is complete. Suzanne, Allison, Sarah and Abby stayed up late. By 12:30, it was done and they cheered. Poor Samantha, who has been ill, was trying to get to sleep on the couch. They were resolved to complete the puzzle before they left. Today, they were gleeful when showing me the completed puzzle, which happened to be difficult. But it is done. Every so often, I think New Years Resolutions on New Year's Eve. But not this year. Instead I will try to fill my life with love and laughter every day. I will try not to complain about my ailments large and small. I will try not to find fault. I have a habit of trying to have things done in a better way which served no purpose but perhaps decreased my enjoyment. I will try not to do that. The most important resolution will be to be grateful. I do not wish to be a weeping widow. Rather I will honor my marriage to Ken by being joyful and for thanking God for all my blessings. I am determined to have a happy heart. So far I am doing well but I am not perfect. I have my moments. My Texas Family left for home today and I miss them. we had a wonderful time. Sara Lou is coming on the 3rd. All is well.

December 30, 2018. Playa Royale, Mexico. The Jigsaw Puzzle.

The puzzle was started yesterday afternoon. When we came up from the beach restaurant and before we went to dinner, Suzanne and Allison opened the box and started in to work. They have been working on it ever since. Sarah and Abigail joined in every now and again. Samantha, who is feeling better, did not help except to cheer them on. Today it rained, so we once again were lazy. David, Suzanne and I sat on the balcony and when the girls woke up sometime around noon, began to work on the puzzle. They have had a wonderful time. Allison and Suzanne were determined to complete the puzzle before leaving tomorrow but at the moment, it is not complete. Wonderful Wendy gave me the puzzle three years ago but the box went unopened. The puzzle is a picture of tea pots and is difficult. Ken and I do not work jigsaw puzzles. We had guest who might have enjoyed doing it but we always needed the dining table. Every year I brought it to the condo from the locker and every year I put it back...until now. Suzanne set it up on the coffee table. Chairs were brought to the table. The coffee table was moved off to the side and from then until now, Suzanne, Allison and Sarah worked on the puzzle. Right now at 10:45, David has gone to bed as has Samantha who sleeps on the pulled out couch. Abigail has been reading all day sitting on a chair in the living room. Allison is determined to complete the puzzle so is urging the three to keep to the task. Now they are filling in the background, which is the most difficult part. Great whoops come when a new piece is put in place. They are having a wonderful time, all thanks to Wonderful Wendy and the new puzzle. Tomorrow they must leave the condo at 11:15 to go to the airport. Allison is determined to have it completed. I am betting on it.

December 29, 2018. Playa Royale, Mexico. Update.

We have the most wonderful lazy week. Today was the laziest. And we all loved it. The goal for the week for everyone in the family was to chill. Rest and relaxation was the order of every day. The girls have slept in every day. In the afternoon the girls sit on the beach and read. David and I sit by the pool. Suzanne sometimes is at the pool and sometimes at the beach. Bit by bit, people go up to shower and get ready for dinner. Poor Samantha came down with strep throat, which is what Allison has just gotten over. Medication was given to Samantha and now she is beginning to recover but she has slept most of the last 2 days. For dinner, I have selected our restaurants while David has paid the bill. Pretty good deal for me. David announced the first day that as I was providing the accommodation, he would pay for the meals. We have had memorable meals. Perhaps the Porto Bello was the best. Today was the laziest. The girls stayed in the condo all afternoon and either read or started a jigsaw puzzle. David and I went to the beach restaurant for lunch and to watch football. Two big TV's have been installed in the restaurant so we just stayed all afternoon. Suzanne joined us for a while and eventually the girls came for a snack late in the afternoon. Our day was delightful. After dinner we took a cab home and watched more football. Our day was delightful and was enjoyed by everyone.

December 28, 2018. Playa Royale, Mexico. Decisions.

Many decisions for Ken and I were already decided. In our homes, Ken was responsible for everything outside and I was responsible for everything inside the house. We had nothing to argue about on that score. Sometimes Ken would ask me where he thought he should plant the oak leaf hydrangea but I seldom passed judgement because I knew he would plant it in the right spot. As Ken is left handed, his milk was always on the left side of the fridge and mine was on the right side. If we had double sinks in our bathroom, he always had the left sink. When you lie in bed, Ken always slept on the left side. Our life was made easy and we never argued about those types of decisions. But now I must make decisions on my own. The first night I was in the condo in Mexico all by self, I put all my medications in my bed side table. I put on my nightshirt and went to the bathroom before retiring. I noticed that Ken's side was closer to the bathroom so I had to have a talk to myself and convince myself that it was OK to sleep on Ken's side of the bed. I wondered if I would feel weird. I decided it would be safer for me to be closer to the bathroom. So I slept on Ken's side and made the decision all by myself. I slept well and have been sleeping on Ken's side ever since. I feel sure I will be required to make many decisions all by myself in the future but so far, all has been well. My decision to keep close to the bathroom was a success. Hats off to me.

December 27, 2018. Playa Royale, Mexico. Evenings on the Balcony.

For the past two nights, we sat on the balcony after we came home from dinner. In the past, I sat on the balcony during the day and always to watch the sunset but we never sat outside after dark. But it has been pleasant. Surprisingly, we spot lights out at sea. And we watch airplanes crossing the sky. And we talk. The girls come and go. They sit with us for a bit and talk, then wander off to bed to read. David, Suzanne and I sit in the dark and watch the action in the condos across the courtyard. Some of the Tv's are so big we can see what is being watched. The air is just a bit chilly so keeps us awake. Eventually, David decides to read in bed so I retreat to the computer while Suzanne gives a goodnight kiss to all four girls. Peace reigns in our home. Samantha woke up this morning with a sore throat so she slept most of the day. She stayed in the condo while everyone was at the beach or the pool. And she stayed home when we went to the Porto Bello restaurant for dinner. We hope by tomorrow she will be feeling better. All girls are enjoying their rest and relaxation. David and Suzanne too. All 6 are tired out. Their rule for the visit here is to chill. No cooking. Just relaxing and reading and pool and beach time. The quiet evenings in the dark on the balcony are extra special to me. I like talking in the dark while watching for lights at sea. Pretty special.

December 26, 2018. Playa Royale, Mexico. Full House.

Abigail would love me to turn off the light so she can go to sleep. She is using the pull out couch in the living room as her bedroom as our house is full, which is a great blessing for me. The third bedroom has two Queen sized beds but Sarah sleeps with arms out both sides so Abigail elected to make her bed in the living room. Trying to sleep in the bed with Sarah is difficult. Allison and Samantha have no trouble fitting in the same bed. Every bed in our condo is being used. We have had a lovely day. They arrived at 1:30 and after changing and dropping off their cases, we ate lunch at the beach restaurant, which was a perfect spot for a first meal. The place was crowded, which I have never seen before so the service was predictably slow. Directly after lunch, they all walked to the crocodile slide at Paradise Village. At lunch they were describing the slide as a tall slide and scary too. The rest of the afternoon was spent lounging by the pool, and taking naps in the sun. They started their day very early. I had made a reservation for 7:00 at The Riviera Grill. We walked with me holding onto two arms as it was dark. The place was charming and the food excellent. By 10:00, everyone was in bed. The day of travel is always tiring especially when your first flight is at 6:00. I am so pleased to have them here. I will enjoy their company.

December 25, 2018. Playa Royale, Mexico. Christmas Day 2018.

The last tine Ken and I spent Christmas Day in Playa Royale alone, we did not like it. So since that time, we have turned down the offer to be here Christmas week. But this year, as the grandchildren were older, we decided to book the week because we thought one or another of the families would want to come. But they did not. The Texas family is coming on Boxing Day. As I am following our plan, I have been here alone since Dec.22. As I thought about my time by myself in the condo, I tried to figure out a way to survive and thrive. My solution worked well and I have enjoyed my time by myself. I have tried to be busy. The solution is not new. It is the old fashioned way to thrive. I took all the clothes from the lockers. I laundered all my clothes. And I discarded Ken's clothes. I emptied and put away everything from the bags. When I ran out of anything to do, I went to the big grocery store, Mega. The Mexican families were there en mass, gleefully putting goodies in their mother's shopping cart. Being in a grocery store on Christmas Eve is probably not smart but I enjoyed the crowds and the glee. People seemed to be having a good time, and so did I. This afternoon I finally had nothing to do so I went down to the swimming pool, which is a lovely spot. I swam and used the hot tub and I enjoyed my time there. I am surprised that I did as well as I did here all by myself. My plan worked. I stayed grateful for my many blessings. And I kept busy. But I look forward to seeing the Texas tomorrow. Enough is enough.

December 24, 2018. Playa Royale, Mexico. The Bar.

Robbie loves the little bar at Paradise Village. Ken and I have enjoyed it too. During Happy Hour, the drinks are two for the price of one so when you order a bottle of beer, 2 bottles come to the table. When there are four people at the table, the scene looks ridiculous. Then we laugh. I have happy memories of that bar. I walked to the Hotel/Time Share to change dollars for pesos. I must take my passport. I give over three American bills and receive a fist full of pesos. All of a sudden I feel rich. Before walking back I stop in the bar for a cup of coffee and a glass of water. The bar was almost empty so pleasantly quiet. One of the things I do not like about the bar is the noise. When it is full you can not hear. Then I leave. Where I was sitting I could see the pool that has two alligator slides. To get to the slide, the child must climb the stairs, cross a suspension bridge than splash into the pool. When the twins were young, they must have taken 500 trips down that slide. And they loved every one. I was enjoying my coffee and the memories when I discovered that four television sets were on, all on football games. I was in hog heaven. Not only was I sitting in a lovely bar with a good view, but I get to see games. I stayed for ninety minutes. Then I took the shuttle back to Playa Royale. One walking trip was enough and I was able to watch more football. I had a good day.

DECEMBER 23, 2018. Playa Royale, Mexico. The First Lunch.

Yesterday after opening my bags snd putting things away I went for lunch at the beach restaurant which is on our resort property. Ken and I have enjoyed the place over the years because you sit on a tile floor even though you are on the beach, plus the whole place is covered so you are shaded. While you eat, you are able to watch the children frolicking in the water and see all the folks looking odd in bathing suits. While an obese person would ever wear a bikini is beyond me, but they do. I am not used to dining alone but I had no choice because there was no food in the condo. Sweet Suzanne ordered a supply of food to be delivered to the condo but it arrived in the afternoon, so down I went thinking I might be sad. But I wasn't. The service is always slow so I got to watch people. I sat at the first table beside the walkway so I was able to see everyone in the restaurant. And I listened to every conversation. One table just two rows over had eight people. They were already eating but I could hear that the group was expecting more to arrive. Apparently a large group was gathering for the Christmas season. As each group arrived, the plan was to check in, then gather at the beach restaurant. By the time it ended, 18 people were at the table. Each new group arrived and ordered a new order of guacamole. And everyone would laugh. There must be a private joke. I actually ate a whole order of french fries with my chicken cassadea. And I ordered a platter of fruit, which I am still enjoying today. Mexican ice cream is delicious so I ate an order of chocolate before leaving, but only one scoop!. The weather was perfect. Warm and sunny. I enjoyed my first meal alone, much to my surprise.

December 22, 2018. Playa Royale, Mexico. all Done.

Here I am and the computer is working. Whew. Everything connected automatically. Coming as I did from Dallas meant that I arrived at 11:30, before the rush of the afternoon arrivals so when we entered the large room for immigration and customs, the place was empty. I arrived at our condo just before noon. This was the fastest trip ever. The condo and resort looks wonderful. Our unit was clean and I could get right in. I have yet to empty the locker but the bags that arrived with me are put away and I have opened an account with Marlin, so I will go for lunch at the restaurant on the beach. I am safe and sound. While waiting for the flight to Dallas I spotted a lady with weird colored hair. She was in a wheel chair. Her hair was not a color made by God. It was the color of rust. I could not understand that a lady of 65 would ever keep that color. It looked awful. On inspection, I could see that her face looked like a horse, with a long thin face which was big. And she did not look pleasant. I was fascinated. If it was a wig, it was a bad choice and if it was dyed, she should have tried again. She looked ridiculous. It was nicely groomed but oh, the color. Just awful. You see a lot of odd people when you travel. I CERTAINLY SAW A FUNNY ONE TODAY.

December 21, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Traveling Alone.

Ever since the time of the internet, Ken has had the same pattern: as soon as we moved into either our home or a hotel, Ken would immediately set up our devices. Shortly my phone, iPad and computer would be connected and running smoothly. I have never done it myself...until now. Today I leave for Dallas, where I will stay overnight at the airport hotel, the Hyatt. When we planned the trip we decided that one flight a day was feasible for Ken, so our plan to stay in Dallas without leaving the airport would be wise. Tomorrow we then would go on to PV. I am just following the plan because it was easier. So here I go. Tomorrow I arrive at the condo and it remain to be seen if I am able to connect to the Internet and then to Google. I recall that I was unable to write my wee blog when Ken was in the hospital so I expect problems. My problem was Google. I could not get out of Mexican Google. I had been forced to call the tech person at Playa to come and connect me so I was able to use e mail but I could not do the blog. I will not try at the hotel. If you are not able to read my Ramblings tomorrow, you will know the problem. So here I go. This will my first venture all by myself. If I have difficulties I will ask for help. In the large airports I will use the wheelchair and a pusher. One issue is sight. I have difficulty seeing the signs to find out where I am going. At Playa Royale I will be in a protected environment so I should be fine. Today begins a new venture, all by myself. Who knows? I might enjoy traveling alone. I will report back soon.

December 20, 2018. Madison,. Mississippi. Recycle.

Having flowers in the home at a time of death is valuable. The lovely flowers are beautiful and they seem alive so they are comforting. Several kind friends and relatives have sent me flowers. There were not so may to be overwhelming but they added to our gathering for Ken on Wednesday and I have enjoyed having the flowers in the home. They all still look perfect but I am leaving, so I asked Kashina to help me and I asked her if she knew anyone who would enjoy flowers. She had a brilliant idea. Kashina lives in Crystal Springs, a small town south of Jackson. Her family has lived there for many generations. Her ancestors are buried in the town cemetery. Every Christmas Eve day, she and her sister place flowers on their relatives graves. Usually they buy poinsettias. This year, she will leave our flowers. Today she brought her mothers big vehicle just to collect the 7 flower arrangements. She was grateful and I was thrilled. Ken would be pleased too that the flowers sent to honor Ken will now be used to honor Kashina's relatives. I have never heard of recycling funeral floral arrangements but it was a good idea. The cemetery will look lovely. I too was pleased.

December 19, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. My Update.

Until this morning, I thought I was doing remarkably well, but I noticed that on Monday morning I forgot to take my morning medications. Oops. Maybe I all my circuits are not working after all. Sunday night was the first time I had been alone in the house. David left for San Antonio in the morning. I was busy all day and slept well. I actually woke at a normal time of 8:00, so I was pleased, so pleased that I forgot my meds. I am trying to focus on being grateful. Ken was enjoying himself to the end. On the Sunday before he died we ate brunch with the girls and Christina. Ken ate 8 oysters plus his lunch. Ken loved being with the girls and he enjoyed his brunch. Ken did not spend a day in a nursing home nor did he use hospice. His sense of humor never left him and he was smiling to the end. He was pushing the boundary too. Monday morning for the last time he did his exercises, always wanting to get stronger. So I am grateful for many things. My plan is to carry on our program. I leave Friday for Dallas where we planned to stay at the airport hotel, then go on to Puerto Vallarta on Saturday, where I will stay until February 2. I am determined to stay busy during the days before David and family arrive on the 26th. I expect it to be difficult but I am determined. Wonderful Wendy and Ken are coming on the 12th and will stay until we leave together. I have asked a couple of people to join me at the condo from Dec.31 until Jan.12 but no one so far has been able to come. Again I will just stay busy. I am doing well or as well as could be expected. I am able to talk on the phone with friends about Ken without weeping. In fact I enjoy those conversations. I have my moments of mourning and weeping but I am walking and talking and getting things done. Ken would not expect anything less from me. I feel sure that in Heaven he is cheering me on.

December 18, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Wonderful Words.

This past week I have heard and read wonderful words about Ken. The cards, calls and e mails have been helpful. Today I received a card and a note from our friends Phyllis and Fred. The note was written by Freddie. I wish to share it with you. Fred said: "The sadness of Ken's departure is greatly overcome by the joy and glory of his life. Ken was a very lucky man. He was able to face and overcome the challenges as they arose. He lived a life of many interests and passions. He was blessed with a wonderful life-long partner who stood by him to the end. And the end, quiet and peaceful, put a fitting coda to his full, satisfying journey. As we face the world without Ken, there is a twinkle mixed with the tears." Wonderful words. Thank you Freddie so putting it all so well.

December 17, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. The Love Story.

The story can be told and re-told but the story is always fresh and true. On Christmas Eve 1955, Ken noticed me and I noticed him while the young people from church sang Christmas carols for the shut ins. On New Years Day along with several other friends from church several cars of the young people from church drove to Peteborough to skate on the canal and have lunch with Major and Mrs. Gibson. Ken and I did not drive there together but we came home in the same car. We have been an item ever since and we married two and a half years later. Ken wrote me a letter after the day skating. In the letter he told me to get ready to be his wife because some time down the road, he would ask me. I had just turned 18 and I had an active busy social life. I thought the letter was funny and I laughed. But Ken was deadly serious. He wanted to have a happy family life and he wanted me to be his wife. It was a love story. He was smitten by my energy and happy disposition and I was smitten by his bright eyes and obvious intellect. He also was the only person I went out with who would not always do what I told him to do, so I was intrigued. Before we married we often argued but during the 60 years of marriage we did not find fault with each other and we did not fight ever. We each had our own lives and our own careers. We were like railroad tracks with the railroad tied together with our common interests and our family. But Ken always looked after me. He made sure that everything in the house worked well. He took care of my technical tasks. Any work when I had trouble with technology I called for Regina. At home I called for Ken. Just since we came home from Nova Scotia Ken installed new night lights in our bedroom and bathroom. He ordered them on line and installed them without asking. When I asked how we had new lights, he told me that he thought that the old night lights were not bright enough. They are there now. They come on at dusk and turn off at sunrise and they lighten my path. Ken wanted me to be safe. It is as old a story as ever there has been, but the difference is that it involves me. For sixty years Ken has been looking after me and pushing me. He gave us hundreds of ideas, some of which I implemented. For the past few years he has told me many times that I was the most beautiful woman in the world. And he would say that he knew that was not true but he said that for him, I was always the most beautiful woman in the world. I would laugh and he would weep because he would tell me that he realized that in the past, he never said it out loud, just in his head. Canadians are stoics and keep emotions in check but Parkinson's patients are unable to mask the emotions so Ken would weep. But he told me just this week how beautiful I was in his eyes. Ours was a true love story. Our road was often rocky but we were always true to each other. I thank God every day for having Ken in my life. My present life will be easier without tending to Ken's ailments but my life will not be as interesting since Ken has gone to heaven. But here I go. Home alone for the first time in my life. Thank God I have friends and family.

December 16, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. A Christmas Service.

This evening at 4 and 6, The First Presbyterian church held A Christmas Service of Lessons and Carols. Our friend Eleanor invited me to go with her. She picked me up and brought me home. The church was packed and the Scottish minister wore his kilt. Half of the Mississippi orchestra played and the full choir sang. The service was wonderful and was just the right thing to lift my spirits. During the Processional, the first sound from the 80 piece orchestra was a single violin, pure and sweet playing the first line of Once in royal David's city. One by one other instruments joined in. By the time the whole choir of 100 were on their places holding a candle, the choir coined in, first just the sopranos. Bit by bit the volume swelled. They sang 6 verses. The whole thing was a delight and was a preview of what was to come. The choir sang 9 pieces, some accompanied by the or chests and some unaccompanied. The choir was excellent. They can sing a pure heavenly sound or can sing more robustly. The minister read all the readings. The whole program took 90 minutes. The evening was just like a bit of heaven, except the trombone player was not very good.. Ken would have loved it, had he been healthy enough to go. I am so grateful to Eleanor for inviting me and picking me up. She is a true friend indeed. I feel so fortunate. This Christmas Service was a treat.

December 15, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Lyft.

Alana set up my phone with the app for Lyft. Suzanne and David taught me how to use it. Today, I took my first ride using the Lyft services. Everything went well and I will use it often. David and I went to Sal and Phil's restaurant in Ridgeland. I called for the ride on my phone. The driver arrived in 10 minutes. It cost $10. to get there. We ate a delicious meal of oysters and shrimp, which we peeled ourselves. Wonderful meal. After lunch I called for the driver on my phone. He was there to pick us up in 4 minutes and he took us home for $9. Our trip was successful. Now I am able to navigate without incurring high taxi fees. And I feel like giving myself a gold star. Most other normal people have been using both Uber and Lyft for years but today was the first time for me. I have now officially joined the modern world. Ken would be pleased.

December 14, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Pleasant Surprise.

John and David agreed to get together this afternoon to smoke a cigar in tribute to Ken. The plan was for John to come to our house, where they would sit on our dock to talk and smoke cigars. 5:00 was the agreed on time. John arrived bringing a cooler full of oysters, along with all the trimmings. John knew that Ken loved oysters so this was his tribute to Ken. Suzanne joined the men on the dock. The evening was beautiful with no wind or rain. Eventually they were forced inside for the dinner of oysters. Suzanne organized our dinner of rice with chicken, cooked by Reisys, oysters on the half shell, salad and an anti pasta tray. Six of us sat around the table enjoying every bite. The surprise of the oysters delighted us all, even Samantha who does not eat oysters. Ice cream for dessert made us all happy. We sat at the table and talked and talked, including the derivation of the term "Your world is an oyster." On Saturday night at our party, John suggested that he would invite Ken and me over to eat oysters but Ken died before we could make that date. Tonight was his tribute to Ken. And it was a wonderful treat for us. Ken would have been pleased.

December 13, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. The New Normal.

Today, my Texas Family has been preparing me for the new normal of my life. David and Suzanne and Sarah removed Ken's clothing from his drawers and racks and took everything to Goodwill, including his shoes. They went through our coat closets to find what would fit the girls. They made one trip this afternoon and will make another run tomorrow. We all decided we would remember Ken in our mind, not by making a shrine to him in our home. They will take some coats and hats to take to the lake. Ken would be pleased. My dressing room looked half empty so Suzanne and Allison organized all my clothes, so the closet looks full and friendly, not like a closet where someone just died. All my good shirts are color coded. My pants are now in a new spot and also hung by color. I was surprised to know I had 4 pairs of black pants. Who knew? My shirts are hung together and spaced apart and all the jackets have found a new spot. My dressing room/closet now looks spiffy. I must search for clothes because everything has moved. Everything is neat as a pin and looks wonderful. Kashina will work for me two days a week. My phone has added an app by Alana so I can use Lyft. Samantha and Allison regaled us all by describing how I must function in the bathroom by using one sink to brush my teeth and other to wash my hands and face. So we have had great sport tonight visualizing how my new normal will work for me. I knew my new normal will not be easy. But we have had a new start today, thanks to my Texas Family. Hats off to them for keeping the whole day bright and breezy and fun.

December 12, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Amazing.

Ken would be pleased. On short notice, family and friends met at our house to pay tribute and thanks for the life of Ken. All 7 granddaughters read passages from the Bible. David told funny stories about Ken. Norm spoke about the expertise and intellect that was Ken. Christina and Suzanne spoke of his love for his girls snd of their love of Ken. Then we sang three joyful Christmas carols. The family began gathering all afternoon. David came yesterday afternoon. This afternoon, Dave and Irene along with Wendy, Norm and Alana flew down on a private jet from Ontario. Abbie arrived in the morning from University. And finally, Suzanne, Sarah, Allison and Samantha arrived from Texas. All afternoon the girls looked at snap shots from years gone by. Ken would have loved listening into their laughter and glee. Tonight, our friends joined in the celebration of Ken. Tasty food was set on the dining table with wine and water on the bar, all put together by Christina and ordered by Katie C. . For an hour we ate and talked. Then we had the brief tributes. Finally, Suzanne closed in prayer. Then we talked some more. I was amazed that everyone was able to join us on such short notice. Ken was much loved and tonight was a fitting tribute. I think that Ken would be pleased and amazed.

December 11, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Thank You Ken.

This morning at 6:00 Ken passed away in his sleep. He was 82 years old. The past two days were difficult for him. Neither Ken nor his doctor could figure out what was the matter but the quality of his life decreased dramatically. He had trouble breathing and last night he became too weak to walk. He slept restlessly and had trouble falling asleep. When I woke at 6:00, Keshina and I decided not to wake him for his Parkinson's medication. When I lay beside him, I could not hear his rasping breathing and I discovered he was not breathing. He had given up his fight. Ken fought to the end. He came to the party on Saturday night and to brunch with the family on Sunday morning. This morning he had an appointment with the physical therapist, which he intended to make. But death intervened. Now the force of his personality and his fight have gone and we are left with happy memories. When the family gathered at home with me this afternoon I asked what I should say as a heading for my wee blog. Kate said I should say "Thank You Ken". And I did. Tomorrow evening friends and family will gather at home with me. I hope for an event bringing joy. Ken did not ever want a fuss so we will sing and read from the Bible and we will say thank Ken for his life. For me more than anyone, I say "Thank You Ken".

December 10, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Snow.

The snow looks beautiful in the pictures but Ken and I are delighted to be living in Jackson where we get no snow. Every few years the snow comes but not very often, generally every ten years. Today and yesterday we watched the heavy snow falling in Roanoke and the rest of the mid Atlantic. 300,000 people are without power. Liverpool had only an inch of snow which is nothing for them. And Hamilton had just a dusting. Even though we had cold weather, we were happy to have no snow. Our temperatures in Jackson for December are about ten degrees cooler than average. Everyone is complaining. Of course, no one owns gloves or hats so they are always chilly outside. They do all wear boots. They never take them off. On Saturday night, I wore my candy cane rubber boots, which I took off at the yacht club and I wore the little brown shoes I carried in a bag, just like any good Canadian lady. Every every girl and lady wore boots which they wore all night. Most people have no warm coats either. So they wait until the weather gets warmer before they really get warm. We used to love snow. At the farm we always took a walk. That was the time when we knew how many turkeys we had. Most of the time the clever turkeys stay hidden but after a new snow fall, we could see their tracks, which were everywhere. Going for a walk in Parry Sound in the winter was wonderful because of the crunch with every step. The snow was dry. In Toronto the snow was damp and had no crunch. Our family went skiing. The other night while watching a ski race, Ken wept silently. because he knew he would never be able to ski again. He was an excellent skier. I talked about all the places in the world where we had gone skiing with the boys. Happy memories. But at our age we are delighted to be away from snow and ice. But we remember fondly all the times we enjoyed playing in the snow. We still love the pictures on TV, sitting in our cosy home watching the snow come down. And we smile.

December 9, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Saltine.

Before the family arrived, we ordered oysters on the half shell, so when the girls and Christina arrived, the oysters were on the table. There were 7 of us at the table and Mary Frances and Kashina do not eat oysters, so the five of us devoured those oysters within five minutes. Ken and Molly consumed the most but Christina and Kate and I were not far behind. As this was my last birthday celebration, I selected Saltine. The food is excellent but I had forgotten the noise in the restaurant. We ate so much food that no one, even Molly wanted dessert. We had a good time at Saltine, which was the last brunch of 2018. On Thursday, the girls and Christina are going to Disneyworld, a gift from Linda for Christina's birthday. They will have a wonderful time but we will miss them. They are our anchor here. They return on the 19th, while we leave on the 21st. Nothing will hold them back from doing all everything provides. What I do not know about will be the crowds. Will there be fewer people because of the proximity to Christmas? I do not know. But I know they will have fun. Kate has one exam tomorrow while Mary Frances is finished. Molly will be taken out of school for a few days. They Arte ready to relax. Now I must finish my Christmas cards and then prepare for Mexico. My anxiety mounts.

December 8, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Paper Clips.

After I dressed for the party in my fancy duds, I realized that the satin pants I was wearing was slipping down. In fact, when I was walking across the kitchen floor, they fell down. Christina was picking me up in just a few minutes So I had no time to change. I first looked for a safety pin with no success. I then turned to paper clips. Using four large paper clips, I attached my pants to my underwear. Much to my great surprise, the paper clips did the job. My satin pants looked fine and no one knew my pants were held up with paper clips. It had bedded several years since I wore those fancy pants and clearly the elastic lost the stretch. Now I must take those pants to be repaired. Our Christmas/Birthday party went well tonight. The food at the yacht club was excellent. My selections this year were more interesting than last. The children especially enjoy the party. They were all dressed up in their party clothes and looked beautiful. One year in the life of a child makes a big difference and many of the children we had not seem since last year. Cheryl and Sebastian have seven children, and Cheryl thanked me for inviting the children, because they seldom get invited as a total family. But we love to see the children. And we always serve the food buffet style so the children can help themselves. One of the appetizers was smoked salmon which turned out to be a winner. Every scrap of the big platter was gone. We served pasta for dinner. Everyone enjoyed the event. And so did I. And my fancy pants did not fall down, thanks to my trusty paper clips. Who would ever think that big paper clips would hold up satin pants. But they did the job. Whew.

December 7, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Birthdays.

I like birthdays. I especially like birthdays when the celebration goes on for several days. Yesterday my birthday was just fine. Linda took me out for my birthday lunch. David called me and we chatted for ages. I looked at e mail messages along with texts. And Rita phoned too. My whole day was taken up with celebrating my birthday. Today I stayed home and looked at more greetings on the internet, with people saying kind things to me and wishing me happy birthday. And flowers arrived for me from David, Suzanne and the girls. They are beautiful and sit on our bar which reflects from the mirror, thus I am able to see the flowers from all around the room. Today was also a day of celebration. For years we have hosted a party in December. No one knew it was my birthday but for many years we have a party on the weekend closest to my birthday. We celebrate with family and friends to start the Christmas season. And we also celebrate my birthday. Last year, because it was my 80th, we invited people to my birthday, so the cat is out of the bag. Tomorrow evening, we will have a party for friends and their children, held at the yacht club. And Sunday at noon, our family will celebrate together to say a last hurrah for my birthday and to congratulate the girls for the end of their successful school year. And that will be the end of my birthday celebrations. I like it when the birthday extends day after day, but enough is enough. Soon my birthday celebrations will be over. I have enjoyed every minute.

December 6, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Update.

Today I turned 81. December 6 is my birthday. I have had a wonderful day reading the birthday greetings from my friends. The modern form of communication is a marvel. And I even received messages from the office party, sending pictures. Maureen looks wonderful dressed as Mrs. Santa Clause. Linda took me out for lunch to celebrate. Pretty nice being 81. Wonderful Wendy has officially retired. Yesterday she attended a matinee performance of a play in Toronto. They took the train. She could not do that before she retired. Now every day she will decided what to do today, not what is required to do. Congratulations to Wendy. Ken and Anne have settled on their new home and are busily opening boxes. Their plan is to retire at the end of 2019 and sail off on their boat. It all sounds exciting and scary. But we wish them well. Grandniece Rachel is being married in India just after Christmas. Lots of the family will attend the three day event. Norm and Diane will be there, along with Ken and Anne, Eric and Elise. Alana is going too. Dave and Irene will not attend and neither will we. Too far. Katie has taken a job as archivist at Purdue University, beginning in January. We are so pleased for them. Brock starts work Jan.1. He has rented an apartment at Purdue, one he calls an adult apartment as opposed to a student size. Sarah will spend the full spring semester in Australia at the University in Sydney. She is stoked. Abigail is thriving at Furman as is Allison in the 11th grade. Her grades are excellent. Kate begins her last semester in nursing school at Mississippi College. She just passed with flying colors a review exam. We are proud of her hard work and diligence. Mary Frances has been thrilled with her first semester at Millsaps. The English class and the art have been the best. And Molly has started to get interested in her school work. History is her favorite. Ken sent all his camera equipment to Samantha, who is a fine photographer. And the lens work with her new cameras. For Christmas she asked for some specific piece of equipment which David said was remarkable expensive. And Ken began physical therapy at the university. So here we go. My update is complete. Our family is marching on and doing well. My Mother and Father would be so pleased to see these young people taking their place and always on the go. My hats are off to them all.

December 5, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Leaking Pipe.

Monday morning first thing, Kashina noticed water on the floor by the sink and dishwasher. I had not run the dishwasher so I knew a pipe must be leaking. I called the plumber, who could come on Tuesday after lunch. In the meantime, I kept think towels in front of the leak. The water seemed to be coming onto the floor from between the dishwasher and the sink. Kashina said that if you listed closely, you could hear a faint sound, probably a tiny hole spewing out a small amount of water. The plumber came and quickly found the leak. Sure enough, the tiny hole was spewing out water in a fine spray, which is what Kashina could hear. The hole was in a hose connecting the water supply to the dishwasher. A small amount of water accumulates quickly. During the day, I changed the towels every few hours. By morning, the towel was socked. The plumber installed a new pipe, this one a stainless steel pipe so now we no longer have a leak. I finally ran the dishwasher after the plumber left. The plumber was the same man who fixed all our problems when we moved in. He and I laughed about the fact that no shower or no faucets worked well, until he fixed them all. Fortunately we were here when the pipe decided to leak. If we had been out of town, we would have had a mess. Christina checks the house every week, but a small amount of water could do a lot of damage. One winter a tiny hole appeared in the entrance pipe of our Franklin Street house, the only pipe we had not replaced. This tiny hole sprayed a small amount of water for several days. It was winter and no one had gone downstairs. By the time I spotted the water, most of the lower level, which was fully furnished and carpeted, was covered with water. New carpets and new pads needed along with the big mess of drying the place out. As I said to the plumber, "Thank heavens for good plumbers". Now we have no leaking pipes at least for the moment.

December 4, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Kashina.

One aspect of our life in 2018 has been to get to know our helpers. Without the difficulties of our year, we would never have met these good folks. We have enjoyed getting to know them, including Kashina. In many ways, she is different. She is in her mid 30s and she is single with no children. She was brought up in a family with a mother and a father and siblings. The family has always lived in Crystal Springs, the place we bought our fountain. All the family lives close by. She has a degree in Education from Jackson State University. After her student teaching, she decided not to teach so she got certified as an assistant nurse. She has been helping people ever since. Kashina is a worker bee. The joy in her life is helping people. She does not enjoy parties. She does not drink alcohol or tea or coffee. She works long hours. Financially she lives within her means. Her mother is still alive and still works. She loves cars and still buys and sells and trades cars. Her father was a mechanic and taught her lots about cars. He thought she would be a mechanic but she rejected it after her father died. And she has some health issues and takes medication for thyroid and heart. And she is not particularly religious and does not attend church, which in Jackson is unusual. Perhaps the most interesting thing about her life is that she eats a terrible diet. She eats meat, mostly fried. And no vegetables or salad or fruit. She does eat mustard green and an occasional baked potato. And of course, she eats French fries. I have read about bad diets but I have never lived with it. But we do not criticize. She is a wonderful helper to both of us. She is competent and fun. And she is a good driver too. Without our issues, we would never have met Kashina. She has enriched our lives and for that we are grateful.

December 3, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Physical Therapy.

I asked our Doctor, a Geriatric Specialist, if Ken could be referred for physical therapy at the University Hospital facility. Ken took a clinic in June at the same place and I noted the elaborate equipment available, which all seemed under utilized. The referral was made and today we met with the therapist for evaluation. She needed to know if Ken would benefit from their therapy. The therapist we met with today was the same one who gave Ken his drill for the last bout of exercises, so Ken was pleased because he like her style and competence. Regina was pleased with Ken's arm and leg strength but his hip muscles are weak. She accepted him as a patient. We are pleased. Regina will work out an exercise program for Ken. And we will meet her twice a week for the next three weeks. Our goal is to increase strength and to help him get off the floor. She also will give Ken exercises to use when we are in Mexico. We checked out the local gyms and one has individual exercise people to work with him but I am fearful that trainers will work him too hard and he will get injured. They also know nothing about Parkinson's patients. Ken is pleased to be working on his strength and balance. His first 45 minute session is Wednesday. Ken feels better already. Regina also reported more strength for Ken than she expected, which pleased him too. The stairs and the walking in Nova Scotia has been beneficial. Now we will roll back the years a bit to add strength. When we return to Mississippi at the beginning of February we will return for more physical therapy with Regina. This physical therapy is just what the doctor ordered.

December 2, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Gout.

Attitude is everything. This week, my friend Suzanne, urged me to be prepared for something else to come along for Ken. Her husband who suffers from chronic mobility issues due to polio is the same as Ken. Something is always happening to him. Sure enough, Ken began to have severe pain in his right toe. He was so uncomfortable at brunch today with the family that he asked Kashina to take him home. When Christina brought me home, Ken was extremely uncomfortable so I gave him pain medication. And he took a nap. When he woke up, he worked through all the options causing the pain. He finally asked me to call our doctor on her cell phone. She returned my call at 5:00. Between the good doctor and Ken, they decided he was having an acute attack of gout of all things. He is now taking Tylenol along with ibuprofen. Tomorrow she will call in a prescription for gout medicine. Ken is hoping that is the problem with his big toe. But it could be nerve issues, or his neuropathy, or even Parkinson's. We will find out. But the attitude is the most important. If you expect other things will happen to Ken, you are not irritated or surprised. It just goes along with living with Ken. After all he has lung disease, Parkinson's Disease and heart issues, so any one might cause troubles somewhere in his body. His lifetime of disease has caught up with him. But he is 82 and is walking and talking. So here we go. But he never expected to have gout.

December 1, 2018. Madison, Mississippi. Shopping Expedition.

We enjoyed ourselves, Molly, Mary Frances, Christina and I. At the end of our excursion, Molly said, "This shopping tires me out". But she was a happy 11 year old. Molly selected the stores and wanted them in the right order. First she and Christina selected clothes and hung them in the dressing room while Mary Frances and I sat outside the dressing room in comfortable chairs. The first thing is whether Molly liked the object. If she did, she came out to model the garment and we three passed judgement. Then we had three piles. Mary Frances held the definite yeses, Christina kept the rejects and I held the maybes. We were efficient. And Molly did well with her selections., When driving to the stores, I asked her what she hoped to be able to buy and she gave me a list. Sweaters, dresses and shirts. I did suggest to her that sometimes we are not able to get what we want when shopping. She was not buying it, and she was right. She did well in the first store buying two dresses and two sweaters. And a hairband. The second store she was able to buy two tops. By the third store Molly was unable to like anything other than a warm fuzzy vest. It was time to go for lunch. Molly had shopped till she had dropped. And she was a happy 11 year old. For lunch, Molly selected the Italian restaurant in the Renaissance, which is my favorite eatery. Our food was delicious and the company delightful, We all four enjoyed our shopping spree. But Molly was thrilled with the whole event. And she was grateful too.