February 25, 2019. Madison, Mississippi. Alone.

I have read a quite a bit about living alone, and about being a widow. The advice is always the same, which is to keep busy and go outside every day. So mostly I do. Last Monday when I had no activity I took Lyft and had a pedicure. But today I just stayed home alone. I am still in my robe which is probably a bad idea. But I did it anyway. I just wanted to see what happens if I hide out at home. One year many years ago I decided to say nothing about my birthday to see what would happen. Nothing happened which was no fun so I never repeated the idea. Now I tell people ahead that my birthday is coming. And I organize a party for myself. I can see the same thing must happen to me now. Nothing will happen unless I decide what t0 do. Today, no-one came to the door. I had no phone calls. I never went out. My day was fine. I puttered around a bit putting things in order. And I read all morning and answered e mails. Tonight I will watch Antiques Roadshow. And there is a hockey game. But this is the first day since Ken died that I have been by myself all day. In the future, I will organize something on a Monday. According to the doctors, I must keep busy and I must be engaged with people. I think I will look up movies and attend a movie on a Monday. I must look them up. But today was fine for me. I did not even go for a walk even though it was not raining. I was alone.